Well hey! Happy Sunday! If you're new around here, on Sunday's I really like to write posts with a more inspirational tone... which have pretty much been the majority of my posts so far. Today I am really excited to share my favorite song I've ever written and the message and inspiration behind the song. I've written posts on this particular song of mine before, on former blogs of mine, but it seems like whenever I start a new blog, at some point it always feels necessary to post about it again. Like now...
This time of year marks one year since enduring some of the hardest months I have been through in my life. Needless to say, the past few weeks, and I am sure weeks to come, have been weeks filled with processing emotion, reflection, and gratitude. While there are many moments of gratitude for how I've grown and many moments of pure memory, there are definitely moments when I am also reflecting and can't help but wonder the same thing that I often get asked... how did I make it through when I was barely surviving?
I'm not going to share any details or specific events because they are completely irrelevant. What is relevant are the lessons I learned, the growth that took place, and the source of my strength. And it's crazy to me how sometimes we have to learn some of those same lessons over and over again... but with each new learning experience the understanding of that lesson grows and deepens. It's kind of neat for me because a lot of times I put those lessons I've learned into songs. Then when I am going through something hard again I love re-listening to those songs, reminding me of what I already know and then taking on an entirely deeper meaning.
That's what's happened, (multiple times), with Turn It Over. It is by far my favorite song I have ever written and it's because for me, personally, it's the song that just keeps giving. When I first wrote this song in 2010 I wrote it as me addressing a friend. Then in 2011 I came back to it and completely rewrote it and it became me addressing myself... begging myself to do what I knew would help me... turning my trials over to Christ. I remember when I sat down to revise it all the lyrics just started changing. I sat there and contemplated what words I wanted to say to express how I was feeling and I remember being shocked at how they exceeding my understanding of what I was feeling when I got them out. By the end of the song I knew this was not just another song I wrote based off of my experience. This was a song that was now a part of my experience. It was a current lesson I needed to learn in that moment, at that time in my life. It's my favorite lesson. It's the one thing I would share with people if I only had one chance to share anything because I think it is so valuable and can change everything.
Here's why...
It was turning it over that gave me the hope and strength to endure when my Dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer. It was turning it over that made helped me know I wasn't alone when I really struggled with friends. It was turning it over that pushed me out of my state of depression after I graduated high school. It was turning it over that carried me through my crippling anxiety and panic attacks when I was pregnant with Everett, living all the way on the other side of the country. And when I got divorced... and barely stayed afloat during everything leading up to that... it was turning it over to my Savior and allowing him to carefully guide my every little step that saved me from unreachable depths.
Guys. No matter what the circumstance... divorce is just hard. No matter the circumstance that brought it about. There is nothing that can accurately describe the literal tear in your soul when your family is broken apart. It's an incredibly hard thing to process. I know I could not have done it without allowing the Savior to walk with me every single step of the way... He held my hand when I needed courage, He carried me when I could not move, He brought angels into my life and the lives of my family when we so desperately needed extra support. He reassured me that His promise of forever still held true for me, just like it does for every person on this earth who chooses to come to Him.
I will never be able to fully express all that the Savior has done for me in these great trials of my life, but I promise you, they are REAL! It is such a gift to be able to look at the hard moments in life and be able to see the beauty they hold. That is something I so desperately want everyone around me to be able to experience because although it doesn't make the problems go away, it gives them a light and a hope that exists whether or not we see it's there. There is so much happiness, peace, and joy that awaits, even in the midst of sadness and fear.
When I wrote this song now nearly 8 years ago, that was the message I felt so strong I wanted to leave with anyone I knew. If I had one thing I wanted to share with other people it was that we can take anything we are going through... our sins, our trials, our fears, our doubts, and turn it over to Jesus Christ and He, in His timing, will make us so much stronger than we ever thought possible.
Turn it Over
Verse 1:
Sitting at the crossroads of my life
Heading on into the night
I feel like a prisoner of fear
Trembling I come to You, You come to me
Chorus:
You say to me never give up
Try to stand although the ground is rough
I hear a voice
Screaming my name
Begging for me, pleading with me, saying to me
Turn it over
Verse 2:
Out of this obscurity
The sky is falling
Closer to me
I am flying above the clouds
You helped me out
and now I see
Chorus:
You say to me never give up
Try to stand although the ground is rough
I hear a voice
Screaming my name
Begging for me, pleading with me, saying to me
Turn it over
Won't you please turn it over
Bridge:
Puzzle pieces coming together
Clearing the weather
Out of the fire
Into the fight
Guided by instead of blinded by the light
Battle wounds turn into scars
To remind me of
What's in my heart
Turn it over
Won't you please turn it over
Turn it over
Turn it over
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